Me hace sentir
by Darla-La Mosca Tete
Summary: Matt's thoughts about his best friend... and his girlfriend. Plus short poem.


Título: Me hace sentir  
Autor: Darla_La mosca Tete  
E-mail: i_luv_flames@yahoo.com  
Page: mypage.org/egocentrismo  
Category: drama, mologue.  
Rating: PG?  
Warnings: Microfic (though I've seen other much shorter than this one). Sulky Matt (Matt's pov).  


****

* ME HACE SENTIR *

_He makes me feel like an idiot  
because I'd be lying to myself  
if I think that he will turn around  
and smile at me, that he will notice me,  
just once he won't see through me  
and that from now on  
everything will be different,  
everything will be perfect.  
But nothing happens as I expect it,  
he never turns around,  
he's never be glad to see me,  
never smiles back.  
He makes me feel like an idiot,  
makes me act like one.  
I should know by now,  
everything is on my mind,  
he will never look at me,  
the same way I do,  
with a smile on his face,  
he will never know how naive I've been,  
because he makes me feel...  
what he doesn't feel for me.  
_

My worries stirred the moment I knew I had to meet her. My best friend's lover, Tai's girlfriend, Mina. A small timid girl with a kind face, she's... nice, I guess. I don't see why all the fuzz about her. Only that Tai sees something in her, and that's why my heart ache whenever I see her smiling in the protective and affectionate arms of my friend. I envy her, sometimes I have even thought that she does not deserve him, but I know she does in my heart, they deserve each other. She's a good girl, is just that he should be mine but he choose her.

Then why I did it?

Simple, I love him, and I would do anything just to make him happy. It should not have been so difficult, so I tried. Whenever he talked about her, I listened, I joked, I smiled, but I fled the moment I knew she was expected to arrive, I couldn't stand to see them together, my jealousy was so transparent, even to myself, that I didn't dare to be caught by either of them. But this time I felt ready to see him... with her, and to accept the truth - this truth being of course that he loved her instead of me- damn!

I should have already get this trough my skull, that this was going to me to hurt me when I did it, but no! I had to say "please introduce me to your girlfriend" I hate him! I hate myself, hate being so stupid.

This time I could not heal so easily, but I know that it was my fault, for letting the doors open to him, I felt so secure and free with him by my side, and I've always been right. He would never hurt me intentionally. And there I was, going through life happily thinking that he was only a good friend who I loved and cared for very much and whom also trusted me and appreciates me as much. But I was only fooling myself, I knew he was much, much more. He was the only person whom I could trust with my life and secrets. I'm so stupid, I let him in all the way into my heart, let him claim his place, made me accept that he was part of me, my mistake was to turn him into the best part of me. I shouldn't, never allow him to become my everything. But how could I stop him? what excuse did I have? for being so nice to me? he deserves the best, and he will always have the right to see the best part of my soul, always will be the number one, I love him and I'll never get tired of saying it...

I don't know why or what I did to deserve that little instant of happiness, he made me feel that it did not deserve it. He was looking at me with sad eyes, he said that we hadn't see each other that much lately, and that he didn't know what was going on in my life. That idiot, my idiot- not.

I was thinking how to answer him, but when I lifted my head and looked from the floor... all the way up from his feet up to his eyes, I lowered it again; then slowly, I dared to see his face... so close to mine. I had the courage to see him getting closer.

I cannot remember the exact moment, but when I snapped from my daydream, I found myself surrounded by his arms, more like holding me, because I'm sure that there was no way I could have been able to support my own weight while he was so close to me, I could faint... When I felt that he was releasing me, our cheeks grazed and I could feel a small kiss on my cheek, that left in bliss, after that I believe he let go of me completely but I was still shocked.

When I snapped again, I heard him saying goodbye to everyone else, his girlfriend had returned to stand next to him- his arms around her, what would I not give for being the one he loves and protects so! I would kill for being the one he treasures!

But I can only watch from afar as he walks away, with a happy young girl in his arms...

* * * * *

Ke tal? I'm so pleased with it ^^, although that's not much because I like almost any fic with Tai and Matt in it, so how much discrimination I could make to my own fic?

The poem (yes it's a poem, don't laugh) added at the begining of the fic is mine. Yes, I'm so proud I wrote that with my chubby little fingers!!

And before you ask, yes, english is not my first language.


End file.
